Right, sod off everything else in my life, I need to get this written! Yes, it’s finally the other half of ‘My Perfect Saturday.’
So, where was I? Ah yes. I had arrived in Cannockcestershire to meet fellow dreadful car enthusiasts at an auction of top quality* motor vehicles. Due to getting lost and enjoying myself far too much, see Part 1, I was a bit late arriving. This meant I had very little time to rush around the assembled lots, picking my faves for the pre-arranged seven categories. Our ‘game’ is to pick the cars we think will fetch least money. They must have a current MOT.
Number 1) Something for the Missus (under 1500cc). Yes, that is ironic and a hark back to sexist times. Don’t tweet me. I chose a ropey 2008 Ford Ka that drove into the auction hall with a very obvious misfire. It made £150.
Number 2) Under the Thumb. For when all glamour eases out of your life and you need an MPV. I ballsed up and chose a shabby Honda Jazz. I was horrified to see it make £800. Drat.
Number 3) Tip Run Tastic. An estate or something with a tow bar. I struck gold here with a disgusting Volvo V40 that made just £60 with a few days of test left.
Dreadful Volvo sold for just £60!
Number 4) Ideal for Export – premium brands. I plumped for a Rover 75 Diesel. It looked quite clean and I would have had it myself for £425. Most people picked the Volvo for this category, though this certainly was not a prestigious example!
Number 5) GLF stands for Goes Like F…you can imagine. I did fairly well with an MG ZR diesel that was a bit crusty around the edges. You can tune them up quite nicely though, and it made £325.
Cheap and quick MG ZR diesel – £325 plus premium.
Number 6) It Came From Korea is a category for anything that isn’t Japanese or European. Options were thin on the ground and I really should have plumped for the awful Hyundai Accent diesel. Instead, I chose a very tidy Hyundai Getz – again guilty of picking something I’d actually like to take home rather than something truly, truly hopeless. I can’t remember what it sold for, but it was too much.
Lastly, Number 7) Pot Luck. Pick any car the colour of a snooker ball. For some reason, I thought a blue Citroen C3 was a good bet but it seems they are actually desirable. Fail. Most people went for a truly abysmal Nissan Micra that had one side pretty much stoved in.
£100 doesn’t get you much. This Micra was awful.
Good fun, though I did very badly indeed. I ‘spent’ £2630 in total and came second from last with my seven cars. A young lad came second and his mum came first! That showed us and our stupid sexist category naming.
It’s great fun though, and all the more amusing when there’s the very real danger of actually buying something. That wins you the competition right there. It may be my only chance to win…
It was a very pleasant way to spend a day though, with mild competition and banter and plenty of tea. Well worth a trip to Cannock. After the exhilaration of the drive there, I took a more straight-forward route home and enjoyed the relaxing side of my new Honda. On Sunday, I even gave it its second wash of the week.
HubNut - celebrating the average! 
Ian, thanks for coming along and having a laugh with the rest of us. It was a very good turnout for the auction game with 12 hopefuls playing for glory compared to the usual 6ish. Hope to see you head east again later in the year, next time bring the recording gear and we can plan ahead to strap it to a car or two for an afternoon’s filming.
Truly the basement end of motoring here, some worthy of “bargain” preceding the word and others not so much. 60 quid for a Volvo estate albeit a knackered one is pocket change no matter if you broke it for parts or used it until the test ran out. But getting rid of it when it finally calls time may be difficult in these times with scrap prices how they are.
Also the 150 quid KA which on an 08 plate I’d still call a relatively new car, perfect fixer upper even if they do rust for fun. If handy with spanners and a bit of luck, fix the misfire you could punt it on and double your money
The Volvos MOT history was amusing. It had failed big time the week before! KA had rust showing pretty much everywhere. Not even ten years old.
What did it fail on? Have to say the smartest one of the pictured bunch looks to be the MG ZR l-series diesel. Maybe give the KA a miss then however it must be one of the last ones made being an 08 plate you’d have thought would have sorted the rust problem by then. Was the petrol filler held in with just pure luck instead of metal? Oh and dont forget the terrible brakes
The Volvo was mostly rear brakes and rear brake lines. The MG was a bit tatty. I may have got mixed up with KAs. There were several but every single one had comedy corrosion.