Right, sod off everything else in my life, I need to get this written! Yes, it’s finally the other half of ‘My Perfect Saturday.’
So, where was I? Ah yes. I had arrived in Cannockcestershire to meet fellow dreadful car enthusiasts at an auction of top quality* motor vehicles. Due to getting lost and enjoying myself far too much, see Part 1, I was a bit late arriving. This meant I had very little time to rush around the assembled lots, picking my faves for the pre-arranged seven categories. Our ‘game’ is to pick the cars we think will fetch least money. They must have a current MOT.
Number 1) Something for the Missus (under 1500cc). Yes, that is ironic and a hark back to sexist times. Don’t tweet me. I chose a ropey 2008 Ford Ka that drove into the auction hall with a very obvious misfire. It made £150.
Number 2) Under the Thumb. For when all glamour eases out of your life and you need an MPV. I ballsed up and chose a shabby Honda Jazz. I was horrified to see it make £800. Drat.
Number 3) Tip Run Tastic. An estate or something with a tow bar. I struck gold here with a disgusting Volvo V40 that made just £60 with a few days of test left.
Number 4) Ideal for Export – premium brands. I plumped for a Rover 75 Diesel. It looked quite clean and I would have had it myself for £425. Most people picked the Volvo for this category, though this certainly was not a prestigious example!
Number 5) GLF stands for Goes Like F…you can imagine. I did fairly well with an MG ZR diesel that was a bit crusty around the edges. You can tune them up quite nicely though, and it made £325.
Number 6) It Came From Korea is a category for anything that isn’t Japanese or European. Options were thin on the ground and I really should have plumped for the awful Hyundai Accent diesel. Instead, I chose a very tidy Hyundai Getz – again guilty of picking something I’d actually like to take home rather than something truly, truly hopeless. I can’t remember what it sold for, but it was too much.
Lastly, Number 7) Pot Luck. Pick any car the colour of a snooker ball. For some reason, I thought a blue Citroen C3 was a good bet but it seems they are actually desirable. Fail. Most people went for a truly abysmal Nissan Micra that had one side pretty much stoved in.
Good fun, though I did very badly indeed. I ‘spent’ £2630 in total and came second from last with my seven cars. A young lad came second and his mum came first! That showed us and our stupid sexist category naming.
It’s great fun though, and all the more amusing when there’s the very real danger of actually buying something. That wins you the competition right there. It may be my only chance to win…
It was a very pleasant way to spend a day though, with mild competition and banter and plenty of tea. Well worth a trip to Cannock. After the exhilaration of the drive there, I took a more straight-forward route home and enjoyed the relaxing side of my new Honda. On Sunday, I even gave it its second wash of the week.