As a hippy, I should dislike cars. Mind you, I should dislike meat too. I love both. It is a huge clash between my hippy ideals and the fact that I just love munching animals and driving around in fossil-fuel-munching motor cars.

But, with both, I try my best to reduce the impact of my activities. Some might frown upon my old clunkers and think that it would be better for the environment if I traded them in for new, more efficient cars. They’d be wrong. By continuing to use my older vehicles, I’m continuing to avoid the need for a new car to be produced. Also, neither of my cars contain the precious metals associated with catalytic converters and both can easily attain over 40mpg, so they’re pretty handy on the juice too.

My 2CV – perfect car for the hippy petrolhead?

“But some new cars can do 70mpg!” They may claim that this is the case, but in reality? Almost certainly rubbish. Too many people blindly accept manufacturers claims, but there are reports out there pointing out that what they claim is not always anything like reality. That goes for CO2 emissions too, which is annoying as these newer cars often have very cheap road tax based on numbers which may not actually be realistic. The BBC has even reported on how tests are manipulated. There’s also the small matter of modern diesels producing more nitrous oxide emissions than older ones – something that is leading folk like Boris Johnson to consider banning diesels outright for city centres.

So, I shall continue to use my old cars with a clear conscience. Sure, burning fossil fuels is still a bad thing, but my annual mileage is actually quite low, and the cars I own are really quite efficient.

I do my best with meat-eating too. Most of the meat we buy is from local farms. We can see some of the animals from our window. We know the animals are well cared for, and the food miles are very low. We’re collecting more beef this very weekend. I do worry about the emission problems with cows – they produce an awful lot of methane – but no-one locally appears to be farming ostrich. That’s a shame as they’re very tasty and have a cleaner exhaust than cows.

So, I eat animals with a clear conscience too. I know some don’t like it, but I do.

But this feeling of being pulled two ways is summed up very nicely with my thoughts on politics. Yes, this lengthy piece does have a point! You see, when it comes down to who’s policies I must like, The Green Party comes up trumps. It isn’t a party that ONLY thinks about environmental matters – there’s far more to them. They want to nationalise the railways, because they want to improve the service and don’t think private companies are inclined to do it. They’re really quite keen on keeping the NHS together and making it better. They also care very much more about disability rights and benefits than the heartless Tories – who just seem to see anyone who claims benefits as a scrounger. Maybe that would be easier to stomach if MPs hadn’t proved to be so good at scrounging themselves…

The problem stems from Transport. Clearly, The Green Party aren’t keen on cars. They want to reduce speed limits, cut new road building and encourage people to buy newer, cleaner cars. To a petrolhead, this seems like a massive attack on something I get a great deal of joy from. But, the hippy in me KNOWS something has to be done. Traffic levels are just ridiculous. There are an awful lot of places that I go out of my way to avoid. Like the South East, or most cities. Non-enthusiasts are horribly tied to their cars and I can see that this needs to change. The Greens at least know that public transport HAS to improve. For many, there’s simply no incentive to leave the car at home. For some, it’s not even realistic. The problem is, people will come out with excuse after excuse for why they must use a car, but the arguments often don’t stack up. The simple reason is that people like having a car. They like the flexibility and the lack of other public sharing your journey. Depressingly, an awful lot of people are so attached to their cars that they won’t undertake even short, entirely realistic journeys by foot. No wonder obesity is becoming an ever larger (ahem) problem.

But, I do struggle with a lot of Green transport policies. Any encouragement to get people to scrap perfectly good cars for ‘low emission’ ones fills me with dread. It’s the scrappage scheme all over again. A terrible, wasteful scurge on the world of motoring – though worse still in America where engines of scrappaged cars actually had to be ruined! They poured liquid in to deliberately kill the engines so they weren’t even any good as parts. Ludicrous!

I also really struggle with plans to reduce speed limits. The Greens would like to replace the 60mph rural speed limit with a 50mph one for reasons of safety and emissions. I agree that there are roads where this would be sensible, but as someone who loves driving, I like doing 60mph! I hate driving around Oxfordshire, where blanket 50mph speed limits exist on a lot of major trunk routes. Even in my 2CV this is boring!

The Greens also want to introduce 20mph zones on most urban roads. Again, for reasons of safety and emissions. I don’t agree with that either. Sure, in some places, this makes a lot of sense – Aberystwyth has introduced 20mph routes in its town centre and very sensible they are too. But ALL urban roads? It’d be awful. I’m surprised they don’t want us to go back to 4mph and a bloke with a red flag up front. Oh, and they’d like to start ramping up road tax too, to try and price us out of our cars.

I imagine that these plans have more to do with making driving unpleasant. There would be less time saving if cars couldn’t drive as quickly so maybe folk would use public transport instead. I can’t really see it as anything other than an attack on motorists.

But here’s the thing. Come the election, there’s still a pretty good chance that I’ll vote Green. No party delivers ALL that anyone wants and the chances of The Greens getting a majority are very remote indeed. Sure, I disagree with the transport side of things, but what is more important? Voting for a party that goes completely against the current system, one that would probably improve my life in many areas? Or vote against them just because I like my car so much?

Even as a petrolhead, voting based on my hobby rather than my overall life doesn’t seem right.

This is where I boldly state that I will try not to buy too much old tat this year, which inevitably proves not to be the case. However, having had a stable fleet since October, things are already looking promising.

Naturally, there may be trouble ahead. The XM needs an MOT this month, and the 2CV’s chances of passing one in April are entirely nil. In fact, just getting it the 800 miles required for her to hit 200,000 miles is proving a challenge. The other night, the headlights just stopped working. This was entertaining for my wife who was driving at the time. I rushed out in the XM to (completely fail to) assist. My wife then followed me back home with only the sidelights working, though the 2CV’s headlights suddenly started working again after a mile or so. At which point, the XM’s lights dipped and a warning light flickered on – relay woes.

Headlamp woes afflict final push for 200,000 miles. One fell apart. New one now fitted.

I changed the 2CV’s headlamp switch, though I couldn’t find much wrong with the old one bar a bit of wear. One of the old headlamps fell apart when I removed it though. Rusty! I managed to dig a spare out of the mess I call a parts stash.

I’ve cleaned up the XM’s relays too, dropping one in the engine bay never to be seen again. DOH! I’ve also had another go at sealing the dodgy sunroof. Few things are more depressing than a car with a water leak above your head. It’s a pain, as I really like the XM and (famous last words) I see absolutely no reason to get rid of it.

My plans for the 2CV mainly involve trying to find a better body. I will either replace my 2CV’s rotten body with another or may use the good bits of my 2CV to restore another. This is likely to take time, so I can get back to predictions.

There are only two cars I currently desire, and both use a 2CV chassis. The Dyane and the Ami 6. Let’s start with the Ami, as it is the most absurd.

J’adore the Citroen Ami 6. Bonkers.

The reason why I want to own one is surely apparent. They’re utterly gorgeous in a very, very odd way! Intended to fill the chasm between 2CV and DS, the Ami used the former’s running gear (albeit with a larger 602cc engine) and some trim from the latter to create a huge success story. In France. The rest of the world just couldn’t cope with the looks and only a handful of right-hand drive Ami 6s were produced. The later Ami 8 had wider appeal, but I’m not so keen on the toned-down looks.

The one pictured was loaned to me by Pete Sparrow. I was absolutely bowled over by how much fun this car was to drive! It has a lightly-breathed-on 602cc engine from a later 2CV but almost more fun than how it goes is the shocked reaction of folk as you drive past. It’s the ultimate WTF-Wagon. There are still plenty of them for sale in France, so I do have dreams of going for a holiday and coming back with a little Ami. It’s a plan that requires more money than I currently have, but I’m hoping for developments on that front.

An alternative to the screaming ridiculousness of an Ami is the Dyane. Intended as a 2CV replacement, the Dyane never quite had the charm of its stablemate, though 1.4-million were sold between 1968 and 1983 – not bad going. The Dyane has better aerodynamics, doors that don’t flap at motorway speeds, a useful tailgate and more internal space. My third A-Series Citroen was a Dyane and we clocked up 14,000 miles together in just one year.

A colourful Dyane I met a few years back.

I really like Dyanes. They’re enormously practical and just as much fun to drive as 2CVs. There’s a decent chance of finding a right-hand drive one too, as they actually did sell reasonably well in the UK. Again, no chance of buying one just yet due to funds, but definitely on my radar.

The thing is though, I’ve owned Dyanes before. Much as I love them, I’ve never owned an Ami, and I am always drawn towards new experiences. On the downside, an Ami is going to be left-hand drive, which does cause some issues. Not insurmountable though and I don’t recall having any bother with the one I borrowed.

So, there you have it. I’m boldly predicting that I will own a Dyane or Ami this year, and maybe even start the 2CV’s resurrection if I have any money left. Watch me now flog everything and buy a Perodua Kenari or something.

It is traditional at this time to avoid doing any proper, in-depth reporting, but instead to create a lazy, half-arsed ‘the year that was’ piece. I am something of a traditionalist, so shall not break with tradition.

So, here begins the ClassicHub Fleet of 2014 Review. It shouldn’t take long, as it has been one of the quietest years ever for my fleet. Only four new vehicles have graced my driveway, and typically, only one of those has made it to the end of 2014.

The year began with two absolute favourites from 2013 still here, as well as the 2CV I have owned since 2000.

These are a few of my favourite things. All rotten.

It was a fleet that pleased me mightily. The Discovery and 2CV had both cost me £450 to buy, the Sirion just £370. The downside was that all three were hideously rotten, though appreciation meant the 2CV was still worth much more than the £450 I had paid for it almost 14 years ago. The Daihatsu was surprisingly good for blezzing around the country – this time last year, we were up in the very north of Scotland with it. I liked it very much for its wacky charm, thrumming three-pot engine and sheer chuckability.

The Discovery was a vehicle I’d wanted to own since it was launched back in 1989. Naturally, I couldn’t afford a very good one, but I liked it a great deal nonetheless. Sadly though, 2014 was a very meagre year for income, and the sad truth was that I just couldn’t justify the necessary upkeep it required. I don’t actually need to own a 4×4 and I also began to tire of the associations that are part of owning one. Too many people give 4×4 owners a bad name. I was fed up with being tarred with that brush.

It was the first vehicle to fall back in March, when I exchanged it for yet another BX and some cash. I hadn’t chosen to buy another BX, it had rather presented itself as an option. It was a car I’d known for some years, as I’m friends with the then current owner. I had also seen it pass through several owners on the Autoshite forum. It was a nice motor, but sadly all it seemed to do was remind me that I’ve rather had enough of BXs. They’re great cars, superb at times, but it had got to the stage where all I saw was the annoyances. The lack of grunt from the non-turbo diesel engine, the flimsy trim and the annoying single wiper. I sold it to yet another Autoshite forum member. It would reappear in my life later on…

Could this be the last BX I ever own?

In the meantime, I had to face up to the fact that the Sirion was not going to pass another MOT, due to the perilous state of its underside. I was starting to tire with the expense of keeping it going. Yes, it rarely went wrong, but options for spare parts were slim and often expensive, as the main dealer was the only source. I did the only obvious thing and swapped it and £250 for a shambolic Maestro van.

Maestro van! Not as dreadful as you might expect.

This was a bit of a surprise to be honest. I’d owned a Maestro 1.3 previously and didn’t find much to like. For some reason, I liked the van a lot more. The A-Series engine was willing enough, with the sort of low-down grunt that the Sirion entirely lacked. Yet it was also more relaxing at speed. In fact, the only downsides were crap visibility, a shed load of noise and rock hard springing – not too dissimilar to the Sirion in that respect. I loved how low-tech it all was – just a distributor, carburettor and overhead valves.

But I soon tired of the lack of refinement. I sold it via Retro-Rides and delivered it to Birmingham for the new owner. The plan was that I was going to drive home in the Rover 600 I was planning to purchase. But it was a dreadful old shed, being sold by a particularly dodgy brand of salesmen in Coventry. I actually beat a hasty retreat and began to wonder how I would get home. Salvation came in the form of a Rover 416SLi R8 spotted on Facebook. The collection antics were amusing, but it was a good, if slightly unexciting steed.

My £300 Rover was a colourful machine. Until my wife got hold of it…

My wife soon set about removing the stickers and I joined in. It had been used for a banger rally but the Rover cleaned up really rather well. There was a fine-looking car under all that colour. I clocked up quite a few miles in it, but this was not love. I wanted a 600. Or a Citroen XM. I wasn’t going to be happy until I owned one of either.

So, the Rover was sold, and I met the new owner at Birmingham International, just as I had with the Maestro van only a few months previously. He drove off to Cambridgeshire in his new steed, and I went to buy one of the best vehicles I’ve ever owned. As a plot twist, I got transported there in the BX estate I’d owned earlier this year. Thanks Andy!

Happy Fleet. I’ve got a happy fleet!

£375 saw me the owner of a car I’d spent most of 2014 lusting after, which I blame entirely on Practical Classics. You see, they’d asked me if I could bring an XM to a photoshoot at Rockingham Raceway. My trusty Citroen contacts delivered the goods and I found myself swapping my 2CV for a very nice 2.1-litre Turbo Diesel XM. I’m afraid I rather fell head-over-heels for the thing, and spent many months plotting how I could own one. Given my tiny budget, it was looking pretty much impossible, but a Twitter contact came good. The right car was located at the right price. Brilliant! It has been everything I’d hoped too. You can find endless praise for it on ClassicHub. Sure, it has needed some work, but I’d expected that of any XM I could have bought. I’m still thrilled.

And so the year ends with my two-car fleet on a high. 2015 is going to be a real struggle though. The 2CV is badly rotten and I’m still undecided about what to do about it. There’s also a massive, massive urge to own a Citroen Ami 6 that may need to be addressed. How long the XM will remain on the fleet is anyone’s guess too, but I can honestly say that I see no reason to replace it at the moment. MOT time soon. How will I feel after that?

Thanks for your support during 2014. This Blog is effectively an overspill for what won’t fit in the motoring publications I write for. I do appreciate support and comments. It will be interesting to see what 2015 will bring my way.

One reason people give for buying a new car is that they are less hassle. Well, if they don’t break down (and modern cars still do that or the AA/RAC would be out of business) that might be true. After all, service intervals can be over 20,000 miles or two years now. By comparison, my 2CV needs greasing every 1000 miles, minor service every 3000 including an oil change.

Older cars do need more looking after, but is that really a bad thing? Find a good garage and it shouldn’t be a pain.

But the XM has an interval of 10,000 miles, so it’s not so far off a modern. It’s pretty cheap to look after as well – I can easily change the oil and filter myself. And that’s the reality of older cars. The cheapest way to run them is to do as much work on them yourselves as you can. I only tend to farm out welding or jobs that require specialist knowledge or tools.

As for reliability, well the 2CV has occasionally required a little roadside tinkering, but she has very, very infrequently failed to get me to my destination. In the past 80,000 miles, it has only happened once, when the fan sheared and I thought it wiser to get a tow home than risk cooking the engine. Once, the alternator seized and the engine wouldn’t turn. I was in a traffic jam so I just pushed my car along at the same walking pace that the traffic was moving at and wasn’t even late for the business meeting I was heading for. Both times, it was my own fault for not having tools with me. Otherwise, I would have been able to carry out a repair and drive home.

In fact, on one occasion (alternator yet again – I stopped buying second-hand ones at this point) I had to remove the alternator entirely and was still able to drive 15 miles to my then-girlfriend’s house. Try doing that with a modern!

It’s dangerous to think it, but it doesn’t seem worth paying for breakdown cover when I haven’t used it at all since 2007 – and that was when the Citroen H van I was driving suffered catastrophic windscreen failure. In Germany. A trip on which we made a van designed in 1947 for pottering around French towns drive 3100 miles to Sweden and back. We suffered no mechanical issues at all.

My way of doing things is to buy cheap, but actually spend money looking after a car. Take the XM for example. I bought it for £375, which was ludicrously cheap. By the end of the year, I’ll probably have spent that again. Lease a modern and all your servicing may be included, so it appears to be free. It isn’t though – it’s just bundled into the monthly figure. I’d rather pay skilled specialists to work on my cars that greedy dealers.

Roadside tinkering is occasionally required.

It is true that running old bangers can require me to spend some of my time fettling. I fully accept that some people really can’t be bothered with that, which is why a relationship with a friendly garage is a good idea. Someone you trust to do the jobs you can’t and who doesn’t charge a main dealer’s extortionate rates. That said, out in the countryside, you may find a main dealer that still knows what customer service is. They do exist apparently, but they are increasingly rare! I will also concede that running older cars is easier if you have some idea of what could go wrong. What does that warning light really mean? Is that knocking noise something to investigate later or should you stop immediately?

Naturally, as cars age, bits do wear out. But it’s amazing what you can learn by taking an interest. A lot of garages don’t mind spending the time to tell you what’s going on and that’s all useful information for next time.

For me, bangernonics is about looking after a cheap motor. Yes, it may cost a few hundred pounds for a full service and cambelt change, but if the cambelt fails, the car is as good as scrap really. So, change the oil, check the brakes and remember to ignore whether a job is ‘worth’ doing. Ignore the value of the car. If you like it, it’s worth paying to keep it on the road.

I mention this because of the amount of people who seem to scrap a low-value car because it needs £300 of work for an MOT. Think about it. Could you go out and get another car for £300? Possibly, but what sort of condition is it going to be in? The reality is that these people spend much more than £300 on a new car. Where’s the sense in that?!

One of the most expensive vehicles I’ve ever bought – a £2200 Austin Wesminster A90. It was ace.

Personally, I regard paying for servicing and upkeep far more enjoyable than either invisible depreciation – which appears to be losing money for absolutely no gain – or paying interest – which just keeps wealthy people even wealthier. It also seems to be that I spend far, far less on looking after my cars than I’d lose by either of those methods if I bought something newer.

Sure, it’d be interesting to see if I still owned cheap cars if I had more funds to my name, but the truth is that even when I was earning good money, I think the most I ever paid for a car was £2200 – a 1955 Austin Westminster. I just don’t understand why people pay more.

I find it utterly terrifying how much people spend on cars. I have petrolhead tastes, yet I somehow manage to avoid spending thousands upon thousands of pounds on cars every year. Ok, so this is largely because I don’t have that sort of money to throw around, but even if I did, would I really buy new? No. It simply costs far too much and makes no sense at all.

Think about it. The cliché is true that a car loses value the moment you drive it home from the dealership. So, you’ve got a ‘new’ numberplate. That novelty lasts a mere six months these days. Think about it again though. Even if you buy using cash, simply driving the car home is the equivalent of holding thousands of pounds in the air and setting fire to it.

A lot of people use finance. This is absolute lunacy. There are tempting deals like “drive a brand new Fiat 500 for just £8 per day!” Sure, that’s cheaper than hiring one anywhere else, but imagine that. £8 every day. For years. Even if you don’t drive it, that’s another £8 gone. £2920 a year for something that isn’t yours. If you instead paid £8 into a savings account every day, you’d have £720 after just three months – and that could buy you a decent car outright. It’s true. I do it all of the time. Often much less than that to be honest!

Even 0% deals will cost you big time. Finance is not the way to do motoring

PCP deals seem even worse. They tempt you in with a low monthly figure, but the APR can be horrendous. Again, you’re burning up thousands of pounds in a manner that pleases no-one other than bankers. You’re making bankers happy. Stop it! Note that if a deposit is required, you may lose that amount – 35% of the car’s market price in the pictured example – should the car get written off.

Both the above leave you open to nasty charges when the car goes back too. The slightest bit of damage will see you pay hundreds, if not thousands to have the car put back to good condition.

So, what is the alternative? Well, head to a site like Gumtree and do a search on cars below £1000. You’ll be STAGGERED at what is available. Yes, there’s a lot of dross out there, so you need to engage Hunt Mode. Ignore stuff that’s clearly filthy, has questionable modifications or where the advert is written in text speak. Even in this price range, there are cars out there with full service history. These are what you seek. You might want a diesel, but think again – the savings you’re making by not spending thousands of pounds on a car means running costs are not everything.

Do a bit of homework too. Google your prospective purchase’s make and model. What sort of thing comes up? With Rovers, things like Head Gasket Failure send buyers running for the hills, but that only affects some engines. Similarly, not all Rovers advertised with a Honda or BMW engine actually have one…

This near-immaculate, 36k mile Nissan Bluebird cost just £400!

A neat trick is to head to Ebay and search for the Make and Model followed by Spares or Repairs. This way, you’ll quickly discover that imported Japanese diesels – such as the Toyota Lumina (Previa in the UK) or Town Ace – are often for sale with failed head gaskets or cracked cylinder heads. Ford Pumas readily fail MOTs because they ‘need a bit of welding.’ This usually means the sills and rear arches have fallen apart.

I’ve often purchased cars for less than £500 that have been in surprisingly good condition. Even if problems develop and work is needed, there’s room to budget on a few hundred pounds for repairs. Forget about owning something stylish. Style can be roughly translated as ‘gullible people willing to pay far more than something is worth.’ BMW have exploited this with the MINI, Fiat expertly with the Fiat 500 (a cute Ford Ka) and Volkswagen with the Beetle – which is just a hopelessly impractical Skoda Octavia in a posh frock.

You want the sort of car that elderly folk tuck away in the garage and use for pottering about – yet service religiously. So, you’re talking Hondas, Rovers and increasingly these days, Hyundais and Kias. Personally, I’d opt for something older than 15 years old, purely because they tend to be more DIY friendly, or require less specialist kit at your local garage. Vet the owner as much as the car itself.

I actually overpaid for this Saab – £595 was still too much!

It doesn’t really matter if you don’t much like the car you’ve bought when you get it home. Just put it up for sale again and enjoy the fact that even if you gave the car away free, you’d lose only a few hundred pounds, not thousands. Old cars. They make a lot of sense! In the next Blog, I’ll give some hints and tips on how to RUN old bangers. I actually try to look after them. True Bangernomics this is not.

Winter can be a time to fall out with a car. I used to get very seriously fed up with Citroen BXs, because the doors always seem to freeze shut, and I once had the lock mechanism freeze up sufficiently to stop the door closing once I finally got it open! The heater fans were never much cop either, and the single wiper a constant source of annoyance.

Winter is very much here now and so far, the XM is doing itself proud.

Frosty Citroens. Brrrr!

This morning, there was a particularly severe frost. Remote central locking unlocked the car nice and easily, and the door opened without problem. I started the car and put the heater on. Tip: while I set it to maximum heat, I only selected a gentle fan speed. Too fast and the engine, especially a diesel, will struggle to warm up at all. I left it running and returned to my breakfast.

Within a few minutes, the car was ice-free, fully demisted and ready to go. It was a pleasure once out on the road too, and I became grateful for the ContiWinterContact TS850 tyres it now wears. I will be giving them a thorough test in the coming weeks. Especially if we get some snow.

One concern I do have is about the windscreen washer bottle. I’ve strengthened the mixture, but the fluid can still freeze. Given that the washer bottle is tucked away in the wheelarch, there’s not much chance that engine heat will thaw it out. As the wipers come on with the washers, this could be a frustration I haven’t yet discovered! In the 2CV, the manual pump freezes up, so that’s my first clue that all is not well. The bottle sits right above the engine, with a heater tube wrapped around it.  It de-ices quite nicely.

Mind you, as I discovered three times yesterday, the 2CV itself does not de-ice anywhere near as swiftly as the BX! Swings and roundabouts.